The Six Best Online Stand-Up Bits, According to Jonathan Kite
Jonathan Kite has a sinus infection. Or, he did when I spoke with him on the phone.
“Ever since Breaking Bad they’ve had this stuff on lockdown,” he said. “And it was actually less time consuming for me to go buy a gun and then just rob the store.”
Sinus infections aren’t funny and neither is armed robbery, but Jonathan Kite on the other hand…
If the goofy mug at the top of this post looks familiar, it’s probably because you’ve seen him dropping cheesy pick-up lines from behind the grill as the sexually charged cook Oleg on the CBS series, Two Broke Girls. Or, maybe you recognize him as the guy with that spot-on impression of Vince Vaughn—and spot on it is, even with the sinus infection.
As an arbiter of funny, we got Kite to select his favourite stand-up skits available online before we pestered him with questions about the efficacy of pick-up lines in real life, the first impression he ever nailed, and the one time he did his Vince Vaughn for Vince Vaughn.
What’s the first impression you can remember doing?
I did Bill Cosby when I was very young. I was a genuine fan of his, plus it was extra funny because I was a little white kid impersonating a black man.
Why are impressions funny? It’s basically just somebody talking like somebody else.
It’s familiarity. People are surprised when you really nail an impression, especially when it’s one that’s never been done before. That’s why when a guy like Jimmy Fallon comes out with impressions we’ve never seen before, we all react like giddy children. ‘Oh my god, he sounds just like that guy.’
You’ve met Vince Vaughn. Did you do your impression of him for him?
Yes. I was lucky enough to do a table read with him and he knew that one of us there did an impression of him. At the end of it when Vaughn went to the bathroom one of the other guys started saying, ‘yo, do Vaughn, do Vaughn.’ And so I did, you know, saying Beetlejuice three times in a row and right then Vince came back around the corner and was like, ‘ya man, do me. How do I sound? Do me to my face.’ So I did it for him and his face was as white as a ghost. But he was so generous. I mean, what an awkward thing to throw that on him at his reading with all of his friends, who were all cracking up. I did some others for him too because I didn’t want him to think that I was vocally stalking him. And he couldn’t have been cooler about it. It just made me respect him more. Because that impression comes from a place of love and respect and I didn’t want him to think I was making fun of him.
Did he laugh though?
I don’t think so. Maybe a little.
Your character on Two Broke Girls, Oleg, uses a lot of cheesy pick-up lines. Have you ever used pick-up lines in real life.
No. I’ve never used a pick-up line in my life to pick up a girl, but I know they work well for some because I have friend who have used them with great success. I would go to the bar with this guy and he’d say something ridiculous to a woman and I’d say, ‘oh my god, you didn’t actually say that did…oh, you’re going home with her now. Ok.’ He was a good pick-up artist. My energy is different.
I think that’s commendable.
I think you’ve got to use what works for you and they do work for Oleg. The first time I ever had to play him I just knew it worked for his character, and I think the audience really gets it, too.
Have you ever worked in a restaurant?
Ya, I was a line cook for a greasy spoon just like Oleg.
That trope—the weirdly attractive and overtly sexual line cook—does exist, doesn’t it?
Absolutely. I’ve worked in restaurants with guys like him and they were ridiculously charming. People always ask me if I think Oleg is a creepy guy and I always say no. He’s charming. He’s likeable. And that’s how he gets away with it. I love playing him. It’s such a joy.
