Don’t Watch That, Watch This

The big broadcast networks are desperately gunning for a spot on your DVR this fall. Allow us to handicap the race.

Don’t Watch That:

Minority Report (Fox)

What’s it about: Set a decade after Steven Spielberg’s film, this unnecessary adaptation sees one of the precogs (Stark Sands) covertly use his ability to prevent crimes.

Why you should avoid it: This incarnation manages to lose all ties with the Philip K. Dick story, reducing it to a predictable, crime-of-the-week procedural.


Watch This:

Best Time Ever with Neil Patrick Harris (NBC)

What it’s about: Doogie Howser himself hosts a one-hour variety show—based on Britain’s very successful Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway—offering a mix of comedy, music and game show elements.

Why you should watch it: Variety shows are coming back in a big way, and NPH (despite his spotty Oscars performance) is the singing, dancing, wisecracking emcee this operation needs. He might make even make Fallon and Colbert look lazy.


Don’t Watch That:

Supergirl (CBS)

What’s it about: Superman’s klutzy cousin, Kara Zor-El (Melissa Benoist), tries to get a grip on the big bad city and her diva boss while figuring out her powers. Not a girl, not yet a Superwoman.

Why you should avoid it: Network suits who think women want to see Supergirl re-interpreted as a cliché-ridden rom-com clearly haven’t checked Katherine Heigl’s net worth lately.


Watch This:

Angel From Hell (CBS)

What it’s about: Jane Lynch (Glee) plays a sketchy guardian angel who torments and guides Maggie Lawson (Psych).

Why you should watch it: Lynch finally gets to shed the Sue Sylvester tracksuit and flex her comedic muscles as the most gloriously debauched TV anti-hero this side of Hank Moody.


Don’t Watch That:

Grandfathered (Fox)

What it’s about: Eternal bachelor John Stamos has his mature playboy lifestyle upended when he discovers he’s not only a father, but a grandfather.

Why you should avoid it: The jokes here are unbearable, even by Uncle Jesse’s standards. Have mercy!


Watch This:

The Muppets (ABC)

What it’s about: A mockumentary series documenting the off-stage lives of everyone’s favourite Hensonian foam people. Like 30 Rock, but with real puppets instead of characters that were puppet-ish.

Why you should watch it: This show’s got many aces up its sleeve: self-aware cutaway gags, Big Bang Theory producer Bill Prady and answers to important questions like ‘Who is Fozzy Bear boning?’


Don’t Watch That:

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (The CW)

What it’s about: A mentally unstable woman (Rachel Bloom) moves across the country to chase a guy she dated in her teens.

Why you should avoid it: We can’t decide what’s worse: the misogynistic premise, the hour-long format or the fact that it’s a goddamn musical.


Watch This:

The Bastard Executioner (FX)

What it’s about:  Sons of Anarchy creator Kurt Sutter follows up his motorcycle megahit with this Late Middle Ages drama about a jaded warrior (Lee Jones) who’s forced to pick up the bloodiest sword of all.

Why you should watch it: Sutter brought Shakespearian gravitas to biker gangs, so we’re confident he’ll do the same for this story about a man swinging a huge axe and cutting people’s heads off.


Don’t Watch That:

Rush Hour (CBS)

What it’s about: A poor man’s Jackie Chan (Jon Foo) is forced to work with a poor man’s Chris Tucker (Justin Hires) in a cheap attempt to recapture the magic of a decade-old film trilogy.

Why you should avoid it: Not since Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s marriage has chemistry looked this strained.


Watch This:

Benders (IFC)

What it’s about: A Denis Leary-produced comedy about a dysfunctional group of beer-swilling bros who bond over their shared obsession with their amateur hockey league.

Why you should watch it: There just aren’t enough off-colour comedies about hockey on TV. This one makes Goon’s chirps sound like they came from a dead bird.