Uh, you guys? Y’all are gonna need to watch the trailer for the upcoming thriller Arsenal. Now. Like, right now. Go ahead:
I mean wow, right? Yeah. That wasn’t a fever dream or a bad shroom trip or even a fake trailer from Entourage. You really did just watch Nicolas Cage go so far off the deep end that he’s now just a clump of hair clogged in the pool’s filtration system. Yes, he really did just scream and snarl and stumble across your screen like a high Inspector Clouseau wearing a No Country For Old Men wig and Steve Martin’s prosthetic nose from Roxanne. Yep, that really was John Cusack in a fucking do-rag. And yeah, that was Vinny Chase at the beginning somehow throwing a pitch even weaker than 50 Cent.
If all that didn’t catapult Arsenal to the very top of your 2017 must-see list, we don’t even want to know you. That trailer is perfection. Gold. Purer even than whatever cocaine Nicolas Cage was face-planting in throughout the making of this movie. It is, without question, the anti-Passengers. See you at the multiplex.