Things A Man Should Never Wear: Picnic Edition

In terms of romantic gestures, you can do a lot worse than planning a picnic for a date. A blanket and some sun. A basket of snacks and a cooler of drinks. Maybe a Frisbee, if that’s your type of thing. The setting is prime for some summertime lovin’ and you’re dressed accordingly in…OH SWEET LORD, what are you wearing? Is that a visor? Exactly which truck stop did you purchase that tee shirt at? No, this won’t do.

Make sure your date doesn’t go sour in the sun by avoiding these picnic fashion (EPIC!) fails.

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Leather Cuff

Are you in a biker gang? If the answer is no then you should throw out any leather cuffs you own. If the answer is yes then you probably don’t want to be seen at a picnic.

Fanny Pack

We know you need to carry things to and from the places you go, but there are always better ways to do that without involving a fanny pack. When lame tourist dads are slowing phasing out something you know it’s time for you as well.

Hawaiian Shorts

Jean Shorts

Shorts are okay. Jeans are okay. An unholy matrimony of the two is never okay. Whether you cut them yourself or bought them this way, it’s best to save your money and your dignity by not wearing them.

Socks n Sandals

Come on, you know this one. It’s been drilled into your head since middle school.

Funny Stupid Tee Shirts

No matter how self-deprecating your tee shirt makes you seem, your drinking problem is not, and never will be, funny. If you want to make jokes, do it with your words, not your outfit.

Sweats

Wear sweatpants to the park this summer and two things are guaranteed: A) You will be hot, and B) You will be sweaty. That’s basically the opposite of cool. You hear that, Drake. The opposite!

Trucker Hats

You’ve got some of these in your closet, and that’s OK. Just do yourself a favour and leave them there.

Velvet Blazer

When your picnic is a date and you’re trying to impress someone you always want to pull out all the stops. That might mean donning your fanciest blazer. Here’s our tip: don’t. You’ll be way too hot and a sweaty date is not a good date.

Visors

Speaking of things that belong, not on your head, but rather sealed in a dark place…

White Pants

Let’s be clear: we support your choice to wear white, we really do, but when you’ll be sitting on a field of grass…Mother Nature will straight mess your shit up. You know she will.