So, it’s the first day back at work after the holidays. Oof. You need to find and put on pants, have interactions with other human lifeforms that don’t revolve solely around food, and you’re already on your fourth coffee…or you need to be.
But dammit, you can make it through this day! How are we so sure? Because during last night’s season premiere of The Bachelor, a woman made it through a rose ceremony in a goddamn dolphin costume.
Aspiring dolphin trainer Alexis spends her intro segment proclaiming that she likes dolphins — or, rather, is obsessed with them. To the point that if Bachelor Nick doesn’t share her feelings, it’s a major deal breaker. So, she does what any normal, totally well-adjusted 24-year-old woman on a televised dating show would do: she shows up at the mansion wearing a dolphin costume, which, truth be told, is actually a shark costume. And then she slips in the pool to coo a mating call at Nick.
And you know what? She got a rose. She was invited to stay another week, while there are women out there being ghosted on for far lesser (and more sane) offences.
If Alexis can make it through a rose ceremony in a dolphin (shark) costume surrounded by gorgeous lawyers, neonatal nurses, and doulas who are all wearing a standard-issue, bejewelled-within-an-inch-of-its-life gown, then you can crawl out from under your desk and act like a functioning adult.