Steal Jobu’s Rum, and 9 Other Things the Jays Should Do Before the ALCS
In case you just woke up from a coma, the Blue Jays are on their way back to the ALCS for the second year in a row after beating the Texas Rangers… for the second year in a row. (Sorry not sorry, Texas fans.)
But after all that excitement, both the Jays and their fans now have to pump the brakes a bit. See, even though the Cleveland Indians also moved on Monday, the Championship Series won’t start until Friday night. And after last year’s ALDS went the distance, we figure the Jays might not know what to do with themselves – especially considering they just completed the franchises’s first ever postseason sweep.
Here’s a few ideas for what the Jays can do to keep busy until baseball comes back.
10. Take a deep breath
Most teams like to keep the momentum going when they get on the kind of tear the Jays have been on. But after two elimination game, extra-inning walk-off wins in six days, we’re betting the Jays won’t mind getting a few nights off to reset their rotation and get healthy. And we know a few million fans who could probably use the extra rest too.
9. Watch Major League
Sure, watching the Major League movies probably isn’t as reliable a scouting report as, say, watching some actual game tape, but it’s guaranteed to be a lot more fun! Plus, if they get into Cleveland a few days early, you know what that means: American Netflix. Score.
8. Steal Jobu’s rum
Something is definitely up in The Land. First, the Cavs brought the city its first professional championship since 1964. Now, the Indians are making their very own #Believeland sequel, with the help of a real-life Major League-inspired clubhouse shrine. But maybe the Jays can help reverse Jobu’s good juju by buying out all the rum and cigars in greater Cleveland, then throwing the Indians hitters a steady diet of curveballs. Hey, it’s worth a shot.
7. Make the most epic beer can pyramid ever
What are the Jays supposed to do with all these unsold beers cans, exactly? Easy: Build MLB’s largest beeramid. They’ll have to beat Cleveland fans’ current record in order to do it, but with a full workweek to devote to planning/construction, ya gotta believe.
6. Send Rougned Odor a signed sympathy card
The second baseman became persona non grata in Toronto after he connected that right hook to Joey Bats’ jaw back in May. But after the Jays knocked out the Rangers for a second straight year, in large part thanks to Odor’s brutal E4, you can’t help but feel a little bad for the guy. (We’re hearing Topps may Photoshop the Crying Jordan face onto his baseball card next year.) And nothing says “No hard feelings” like a nice sympathy card.
5. Hit up Seti’s for a Polish Boy
All due respect to the Cleveland tourism board, but The Land’s culinary scene isn’t quite on the level of Kansas City BBQ. So while we by all means encourage the Jays if they want to try out Cleveland’s artery-busting signature “dish” – a kielbasa covered in fries, barbecue sauce and coleslaw – we recommend doing it ASAP, since it’ll probably take a few days to digest.
4. Choreograph a few new bat flips
Other than on Edwin’s walkoff to win the wildcard, we saw nary a bat flip in the LDS, despite the Jays hitting a whopping eight home runs in three games against Texas. Maybe they were out of ideas? Hopefully with these few extra days, the Jays can get back to the drawing board. We’ll just leave this here in case they need any inspiration.
3. Set up a Kickstarter to re-sign Encarnacion (and Bautista)
After his recent postseason heroics, it’ll be tricky for the Jays to justify not re-signing Encarnacion. (Pay the man, Rogers!) Even though the team led the league in attendance this year, ownership does have a long history of crying poor. Jays players can always use the next few days to host a Kickstarter/bake sale/charity car wash to ensure the team’s two most dangerous sluggers finally get their due.
2. Invent some bad blood with the Indians
Listen, it was easy for everyone to get up for the Rangers. But with no Odor for Jays fans to latch onto, it might take a little more effort to get this team going for the ALCS. The Jays need to start channeling their inner Taylor Swift now. Start a Twitter war with Corey Kluber. Bait former Jay Rajai Davis into taking shots at the hometown crowd. Talk shit about their Polish Boys. Whatever it takes, guys.
1. Tell Drake to stay home
No offense to the 6ix God, but the last time Drake got up in a Cleveland team’s faces in a playoff semifinals, things didn’t exactly work out so well for Toronto. Someone tell Drake: “We’ve got this.” The only mascot the Jays need is Ace.
