A Toronto Woman Dangled From a Crane For Almost Five Hours Today

As if taken directly from our collective nightmares, a woman in Toronto spent nearly five hours this morning perched on a small pulley device hanging perilously by a huge construction crane. Rescue crews sent a firefighter up the crane, who was able to strap her into a harness and rappel her down to safety.


There’s a lot of speculation now as to how and why this  wonder woman made her way up there without cables or gloves in a pair of freakin’ heels, but we’re mostly curious about how she managed to look so calm throughout the entire ordeal. There she sat, one arm wrapped around the very cable that was keeping her from, oh, I don’t know, falling to her gruesome death, hair blowing brazenly in the wind. Not once did she scream at the top of her lungs or even wonder aloud if this was maybe not her best idea. That, my friends, is a level of zen that not even centuries of yoga could provide.

Once on the ground, the woman was handcuffed by police and now faces a mischief charge. Don’t worry, though: we think she has a bright career ahead scaling trees and rooftops dressed like Spider-Man at children’s birthday parties. She might just need a little help getting down.