I know what you’re probably thinking: Really, bro? Swim trunks? You looked out the window lately, genius? It’s January in Canada! I could literally freeze anti-freeze outside right now!
Sure, yeah, all valid points. Except I *have* looked out the window lately, and this is what I saw:
Yes, that is correct. I’m on a plane right now. A plane that could very clearly use some squeegeeing. That window is, like, Pigpen-from-Peanuts filthy. Way to be, Delta.
Anyway, the point is: I’m going someplace warm. Someplace with sand and the ocean and sunshine, and also probably a gang of rich, ATV-riding white teens who are trained in karate and will kick the shit out of me for no good reason. You can, and should, too. (Go someplace warm, that is. Don’t beat me up.)
And if and when you do, you’ll need a new pair of swim trunks. This one, from Toronto-based Bather Trunk Company, has a quirky print, a flatteringly tailored fit, a trio of pockets, and was made in Canada. Everything you need and more. Get a pair.
I realize this was an obnoxiously long and roundabout way to convince you that these trunks are cool and worth buying. But, like, I’m stuck in the middle seat on a six-hour flight with Suicide Squad as my only other potential form of entertainment. Can you really blame me for stretching it out a little?