How to Cure A Hangover

Sharp August 19, 2014

You swore you’d never have to Google this again. But here you are. It’s ok. It happens to us all. And everyone has his own hangover cure. It might be something your family passed down, like a half-hour in the sauna, or something you invented yourself, like that raw-egg concoction you drank basically every morning in college.

As with everything else health related, theories on how to ease a hangover continue to evolve. We’ve gathered some modern solutions to one of the most ancient ailments of all: the hangover.

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Then: A cool compress

Now: Hot bouillon soup

A hearty soup will give you more relief than a wet cloth; we guarantee it. Made with sliced meat, potatoes, sliced plantains, yam, kelp, cabbage and celery, this soup (much like that smoothie we talked about) does wonders to restore the salt and potassium your body is craving after all that drinking. Well, the drinking doesn’t lower your potassium, the urinating that comes after does. Making the soup can be a bit of work so either think ahead and have it in the fridge or moan a little louder and hope your partner has pity on you.

Then: Sleep

Now: Hangover Heaven

The setting: Las Vegas. The situation: it’s 10 am on day two of a three day trip and you’re locked in your hotel room feeling, you imagine, a lot like The Viper did before The Mountain squished his skull. You need to get back out there. Hangover Heaven is a 45-foot bus that picks you up at your door and administers everything needed for overcoming a hangover quickly and comfortably. The bus holds two lounge areas and sleeping quarters with bunk beds. There are three types of treatments provided: multivitamins, antioxidants, and medication to treat nausea and inflammation. The facility offers hangover prevention education, preventive IV therapy treatments including the Myers’ cocktail and vitamin supplements. This is the American dream.

Hangover Heaven

Then: Getting sick

Now: Fructose-filled drinks

It feels terrible the moment it’s happening, but, it’s true, there is always a little bit of relief after getting sick when you’re nauseous. Skip that disgusting part entirely and instead have food or drinks that contain fructose to help you burn the alcohol faster. Alcohol turns the body’s supply of glycogen into glucose, and sends it out of the body. The sugar found in most fruits, replenishes that glucose and has been found to speed up the body’s processing of alcohol.

Then: Exercise

Now: Bathe with mustard

Who are you trying to kid by putting on those gym clothes? You don’t want to work out. Why not slip into a warm bath instead. Decisions, decisions. Forgo the bubble bath for a hint of mustard. Stay with us on this one: adding some mustard can actually be beneficial. Mustard is known to increase circulation and draw out toxins. Using mustard powder or buying a pre-made mustard bath product (yes, this exists) can help soothe and replenish your body. Don’t worry, you won’t come out looking like a Simpsons character.

Then: Hair of the dog

Now: Banana, blueberry, kale & lemon smoothie

Don’t fall for the catchy nickname; while a few sips of the alcohol from the previous night might take away a bit of the pain, it could return even worse the next day. Not only that, but drinking while you’re still feeling sick from drinking might be an indication that it’s time to pump the brakes. Instead, make yourself a smoothie that has antioxidants, potassium, natural sugars, vitamins and digestive enzymes. With all those feel-good nutritional ingredients, this smoothie really helps to heal your hangover. Keep the leftovers in the fridge in case you want to make daiquiris later.

Then: Coffee

Now: Kombucha tea

We know you’re loyal to the black stuff. Hear us out because Kombucha has a couple points on the old standby. Firstly, Kombucha is fermented, which calms a tumultuous tummy. It is also said to balance toxicity in the system. Plus, it contains just a touch of alcohol (like, one single dog hair), and you won’t look like an alcoholic drinking it.

Then: Medication

Now: Ginger

Hangover headaches can be so bad that it feels like nothing short of your weight in Advil will cure it. That may be true, but it could also send you towards a white light—and it isn’t exactly kind to the liver, either. A safer measure is ginger. You can either chew small pieces of it for relief or boil 10 to 12 pieces of fresh ginger root in about four cups of water and add the juice of one orange, half a lemon and half cup of honey. The concoction can provide quick relief by stabilizing blood glucose levels. But you will have to get off the couch to make it.

Then: Greasy breakfast

Now: Bland foods

You don’t want to be that person in dark sunglasses, hoodie up, slouched over a Grand Slam in the dark corner of Denny’s. Well, no, of course you do, but you shouldn’t be. Bland foods are better for you the morning after a drinking binge, and not because they ‘soak up the alcohol’ like most people think. The alcohol prevents your body from maintaining normal blood sugar concentration and causes your hangover fatigue and weakness. Bland foods like crackers, toast and cereal will boost your blood sugar and help get you back to normal faster than those hash browns. Those delicious, golden hash browns.

Then: A cool compress

Now: Hot bouillon soup

Then: Water

Now: Water

Precious, precious water will never go out of style when it comes to a hangover. A night of drinking will leave you dehydrated. Really, you should down a big glass of H2O before going to sleep, but we understand that it’s hard to remember a good rule of thumb like that after you’ve been dipping into the decanter like Don Draper. Make up for it the morning after by drinking as much water as you can to flush everything out and rehydrate. That, or start drinking Water Bombs.