In the immortal words of Julius Caesar, ‘I left, I did nothing, I returned.’”
That, of course, was Larry David’s brilliant summation of yesterday’s announcement that Curb Your Enthusiasm will finally return to HBO for a ninth season.
It’s been five years since we last saw David’s blown-up, over-exaggerated, misanthropic portrayal of himself, and boy, have we missed it. Launched as an HBO special in 1999, Curb has spanned eight seasons and 80 episodes. Now, it seems David has something to say once more. But what exactly is he going to say?
With half a decade of new contrivances and annoyances for David and his writing staff to mine through, we took the liberty of setting aside a few suggestions.
“Can I just eat this damn sandwich before it gets cold, please? Why do you want a keepsake from lunch at a diner?”
“What? You’re really going to let some random asshole decide how we get to lunch? Just take a turn right here!”
“You want me to do what?”
“Why do I need all these choices? Why can’t I just turn on the television and watch television?”
“Hey, I’m trying to watching the Dodgers game here! Can you get that bullshit contraption out of my sight already?”