Us Raptors fans, we’re a fragile bunch. Whether it’s a perceived NBA-wide bias against our team or our chronic inability to climb out of the Eastern Conference, we’ve got a lot of things to be insecure about. The latest? Kawhi Leonard. Or rather, our chances of making the two-time Finals MVP winner want to stay in Toronto (he becomes an unrestricted free agent at the end of this season). That Leonard has all the charisma of a potted plant only exacerbates our paranoia. The man is impossible to read. So much so that anytime he sounds slightly unhappy in post-game interviews, we become clinically depressed. And when he shows the faintest glimmer of a smile? We prematurely splooge ourselves.
Today, Raps Nation is rejoicing over what it believes is indisputable evidence that Kawhi is staying: photos of the star at a staff party for…CargoJet? The Klaw recently appeared at an event for the company — which Wiki describes as “Canada’s leading provider of time sensitive overnight air cargo services” — and, no joke, Raps fans have been losing it over this news. “Can I get a ‘He Stay’?” reads a post about the photos on the Raptors’ subreddit. “This is really big news,” comments one Redditor. “Once Kawhi sees the business potential of being the face of a Canadian franchise its game over. Pen to paper he stay.”
Fans wasted no time taking a deep dive into CargoJet’s links to Kawhi. Apparently, the company’s CEO — the man posing with the Klaw— is the father of a dude who took a picture with Uncle Dennis, Kawhi’s father figure and alleged puppet master, a month ago. “Kawhi’s camp is more business related than free agent related and contract related,” says one observant Redditor. “Uncle Dennis was with CargoJet’s CEO’s son in Barbados probably discussing business, good sign for the raps in terms of free agency.”
Sooooo, let me get this straight. Kawhi is re-signing with Toronto this summer because some guy who owns a courier service offered him cargo jet-loads of cash to mug for photos at his company party for five minutes. Got it.