Let’s Watch the Toronto Raptors Get Drunk Celebrating Their First NBA Title to Help This All Sink In

The Toronto Raptors are NBA champions. Woo!!! Lawda mercy. Boy, is it surreal typing that. *Slaps self in face.*

Forgive me, I have been up all night screaming and chest bumping strangers at Yonge-Dundas Square. It’s hard to write anything without sounding inebriated. (I assure you, I am only drunk on joy). All I can say is that after years of heartbreak and little-brother syndrome and being blatantly ignored by the NBA-talking head-industrial complex, WE ARE HERE. And for the first time in history, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS. We don’t need to get your attention. We already have it.

(Yeeeah, it was a little anti-climactic, with the Klay injury and awkwardly drawn-out tech at the end, but whatever man! It was a hell of journey getting here. We’ve lost friends and slain freaks. Kawhi Leonard just won Finals MVP on one leg. Fuck your asterisk.)

So here. Let us now ingest all the content of our boys getting lit backstage. Soak it in, Canada. Soak it in, world.