There’s Never Been a Better Time to Learn How to Forage
Thanks to one Donald J. Trump, Western civilization is staring down the barrel of a slumbering nuclear silo — or, perhaps more accurately, many slumbering nuclear silos. Between looming trade wars and the oncoming arms race, the established order of things — your grocery story supply chain, for example — might not exist this time next year. But hey, at least the swamp is getting drained!
Put simply, there’s never been a better time to learn how to forage. Consider this small primer your first taste of what may come.
Blueberries
Safety Rating: Safe
Found seemingly in every open field north of the 49th. Dig in.
Raspberries
Safety Rating: Still Safe
You could probably pick these in the dark – just watch out for thorns.
Cranberries
Safety Rating: Pretty Okay
Both tasty and abundant. Just make sure you’re not picking the smaller holly berries, enough of which can seriously hamper your orienteering time.
Dandelions
Safety Rating: Alright…
They say familiarity breeds contempt, but that shouldn’t turn you off the common dandelion. Good in salads or as a cooked side dish.
Stinging Nettles
Safety Rating: Oh Jeez
The burning pain from a nettle can be quite intense so make sure to use gloves as you go. Remember to boil or blanch the leaves to neutralize the sting before eating. Use as a substitute for spinach.
Mushrooms
Safety Rating: Uhhh….
It’s easy to mistake poisonous mushrooms for edible varieties. Pick wrong and you might need a new liver.
Roadkill
Safety Rating: Are You Psycho?
In some circles, roadkill is considered the most ethical meat, to which we ask, “What exactly is so bad about free-range?”
